M is for Madness
by Neath The Waves
Summary: The next Great Shinobi War is inevitable, and Orochimaru knows that. The rest of the world would like to ignore the threat of war, but he's not going to let ignorance of this caliber stand, even among his enemies. What's a mad genius to do but send his own adopted son; his greatest experiment to put The Fear back into those wimps in the Big Five? Crazy!Powerful!Non-Container!Naruto


M is for Madness

[XXX]

Orochimaru giggled to himself as he sped away from his former home. When he'd heard that the upstart trained by his teammate was going to be having a child, he didn't think much of it. That had, however, been before the Kyuubi had mysteriously arrived that very same day. It was simply too much to pass up. Orochimaru was a big-picture kind of guy, and also a great lover of irony.

He could see it now; a decade or two down the line, a shocked Minato takes in his long-lost son, the family joins together in an emotional hug, and then two of their necks are suddenly broken! Whoever was left (Orochimaru wasn't too sure of the details yet, this was a newly developed Evil Scheme) would gasp in horror as young Naruto is revealed to be the most recent host body of the Snake Sannin, then he'd kill them too. With a sword, or maybe he'd rip their heart out or something poetic like that. Anyway, so far Orochimaru had to give it a C for irony, but an A for being hilarious!

He arrived, newborn in hand, at one of his many Secret Laboratories. "It's a good joke to have kidnapped one of Minato's children in and of itself, but a good joke doesn't pay the bills!" Orochimaru said to the baby, poking one of its tiny hands. "Although, I suppose I could bring the irony up to at least a B if you killed them yourself... maybe even an A! Ooh, but to do that in just a decade or two you'd have to be ludicrously strong. Well, I've already perfected my immortality routine, so I don't have a whole lot that really needs doing..."

Orochimaru looked down and poked the child again. It didn't cry, or laugh, just laid there in his hands looking mildly concerned. "Minato _did_ steal the Hokage title from me... And what better way to prove I was a better choice than to raise his own son to be stronger than him?! Or, at least more powerful than the one he's going to raise. Let the games begin, Hokage! Alright, time to start cheating..."

[000]

Young Naruto studied his reflection. His eyes weren't a normal person color. People had eye colors like blue, or brown, or green. Naruto's were purple, but the weird part was that it looked like he had another sideways eye inside his iris. It looked weird to the boy. Things looked weird around Naruto. Things _were_ weird around Naruto. He wondered for a second if things being weird had become normal, and were therefore no longer weird and normal things would start happening around him because they were weird now.

"What? That's stupAAAAAAAAAAAA" Naruto stopped screaming as abruptly as he'd started. Normality was subjective, and also fake. One's sense of the world belonged only to themselves. This _was_ normal! Naruto laughed at his joke. Normal.

This was Madness.

[000]

"KK, why are you so sleepy all the time?" the nine-year-old asked from beside Kimimaro's hospital bed.

"I am not sleepy, Naruto, I am sick." The boy had visited Kimimaro at least once a week in the years since Orochimaru rescued him from the Hidden Mist. That had been six years ago, and a bit more than a year ago, Kimimaro had fallen ill. None of Orochimaru's doctors could cure his illness. None of them even knew what it was.

"Ohhhh. I know just the thing! You need tea, that's all." Naruto handed the ill man a cup of the stuff.

Kimimaro eyed it, then the boy. He wanted to ask where the cup had come from, why it had what looked like a small handle, and, actually quite a few other things as well. He sighed and took the cup in both hands. Drinking the hot tea, he noted it tasted nothing like he was accustomed to. He tried to expect the abnormal around his master's son, but it was such a wide range of things he just gave up and accepted whatever weird shit was happening at the time.

"Hooray, you're better!" The boy yelled excitedly, tossing multi-colored confetti into the air.

Kimimaro wanted to protest that he was not, in fact, better. Some tea could not possibly cure him of his debilitating illness when modern science had failed him- actually he was feeling quite a bit better. "I... am?" Kimimaro rose from his bed, removing his various needles and monitoring equipment. "Huh." He looked back at Naruto to thank him, but found that all that remained of his master's son was his head. "Naruto, you seem to have lost something."

"Hm? Oh no, I know exactly where everything is!" Naruto pulled Kimimaro's face down to his level and stared at him intently as a third eye opened in the center of his forehead. " **Everything.** " Naruto's voice became distorted and layered, like multiple people speaking at almost the exact same time.

Kimimaro recoiled, looking all around him, everywhere, _anywhere but that eye_. The confetti on the floor! His eyes shot down, looking for the happy bits of paper only to be met with a scattering of human teeth, bits of viscera still attached. He covered his mouth in shock and nearly put his hand through his lips. Oh my. They were his teeth.

Then, Naruto was gone. The teeth on the floor were confetti again. Kimimaro sat on his bed and placed the teacup on his nightstand. Shaky hands clasped each other as he tried to calm himself. He bit down to make sure his teeth were back, and they were. "This is a good thing," he told himself. "I have been cured. I can serve Lord Orochimaru again. This is a good thing. I have been cured. This is a good thing."

Lord Naruto was becoming stranger.

[000]

Kimimaro had been observing one of the classes at the Sound Shinobi School for a few weeks now, and it was time to make his choice. He had been ordered by Lord Orochimaru to take an apprentice. An odd request, seeing as how Kimimaro was still technically a Gennin himself. Even more odd, since most of Kimimaro's strength came from his bloodline, and you could not exactly teach that. Still, orders were orders. One of the children in the class had caught his attention. He could not place his finger on what about this student had piqued his interest, but they had done so nonetheless.

He opened the door to the classroom. "Who keeps- Oh, Mister Kaguya, what an honor to have you visit my classroom! Class, this is Kaguya Kimimaro, one of the strongest shinobi in the village! If you don't mind, sir, what would be the reason for your visit?" Most people would find it odd; an adult referring to a twelve-year-old as 'sir'. Still, Kimimaro was strong and strength was more important than anything else in the Hidden Sound.

The class looked at the newcomer. He didn't look much older than them, and one girl voiced her opinion. "That motherfucker's like, maybe a year older than us! How the fuck can he be as strong as you say, huh?"

"I was trained from birth to be a human weapon. That is how I am as powerful as I am now, and miss Tayuya, you are the reason I am here today." The class looked collectively at the redhead standing on her chair. "From this moment on, you are my apprentice. Go to your home and pack your belongings. As my apprentice, you will be living with me. Is this understood?"

The girl stuck her hands in her pockets and walked down the desks until she reached the floor. "Fuckin' sure, whatever." She tried to get close and intimidate him, but was stopped when the boy became a human pincushion. "The fuck?!" The spikes retracted back into his body, and it was only now that she was really paying attention to him that Tayuya noticed something. Kaguya Kimimaro was kinda cute. "Well, the hell are we waiting for? Let's fuckin' go, man!"

"Indeed."

[000]

"Naruto!" Orochimaru shouted from outside the teenager's room. "Can you come out? I'd like to tell you something!"

The sixteen year old shut the door behind him. "Hi dad! You know, you could always just come in my room if you want to tell me things. I don't mind!" He grinned up at his adoptive father, who was still several inches taller than Naruto.

Orochimaru laughed and ruffled his son's snow-white hair. "Hahaha! You can't trick me, son! If I go in there I'll never come out. Walk with me, I'll tell you the plan on the way." Naruto saluted in mock seriousness and followed. "We're going to be showing face at the Chunnin Exams being held in the Village Hidden in the Leaves, or Hidden Leaf for short, or just Leaf for very short." Naruto raised his hand. "No, it's not a village in a giant pile of leaves." Naruto's hand lowered. "So, since it's the Exams and all, and I am nothing if not a show-off, I'm sending my very best to participate. You, Mr. Bones and Tayuya against a bunch of children!" Orochimaru cackled in delight. "It'll be a proper massacre. The Hidden Villages are growing soft in this peace, and their standards are quickly slipping. The Chunnin of my day would have wiped the floor with most of these new Jounin."

The Snake Sannin noticed his son had stopped paying attention and was looking around absentmindedly. He ahem'd to get the boy's attention. "Hm? Sorry dad, I was just looking for your point."

Orochimaru scowled. "Fine, ruin my reminiscing. My plan is to, every year, bring shinobi that will annihilate the other village's kids! Not only will it prove my superiority, it will remove the new generation of shinobi so that when I _do_ eventually bring the pain, those villages called 'The Big Five' will have only old men and children to fight for them!" He resumed his cackling.

"Dad, your plan is to have better shinobi than the other villages. That's _everyone's plan_. I mean yeah, you've got some strong people here, but other places have their own legendary shinobi. Leaf has Kakashi, Jiraiya and Hiruzen. Mist has what's left of the Seven Swordsmen. Rain has Hanzo, and he's enough on his own. They've also got their own Demon Containers and Kages! What's your edge?"

"Are you okay Naruto? You've been- ...Nevermind. As I was going to say, you may be both my son and my greatest experiment, but as you know, you are not my only success. There are many, many more besides you. My edge, son, is..." Orochimaru dramatically lifted his fists to the ceiling, "SCIENCE!"

Naruto's grin spread unnaturally far across his face. "I do love a good slaughter. Oh, there they are! Hiiiii guys!" His grin became friendly and he waved to Tayuya and Kimimaro.

They waved back, long having gotten used to Naruto's oddness. They weren't exactly the picture of normality themselves, even before their own enhancements.

"Alright youngsters, it's serious time. Well, semi-serious time. Whatever. Anyway, I've handpicked you as the first ever team from the Hidden Sound to participate in the Chunnin Exams! You're going to be the face of Sound, and put The Fear in the hearts of those lesser than us, so pretty much everyone. Mission objective number one! Kill at least one shinobi of each village present, our own excluded obviously. Mission objective number two! Become fully recognized Chunnin of the Hidden Sound, so put on a good show for all the nobles and Kages and whatnot. I read the rules, they can't hold back your advancement for killing all of their entrants, so feel free to lay waste to some bitches! Oh, but don't just lay waste to random bitches, only do it under the umbrella of the Chunnin Exam tests. Killing civilians is bad juju, understand? Kabuto will be your 'Jounin Sensei' for the purposes of not being _too_ suspicious. Mr. Bones, you'll be Kabuto's second in command and the Gennin Leader for this mission."

Kimimaro snapped off a salute. "I understand, sir." He really wished Lord Orochimaru would start calling him by his real name. For that matter, he really wished _anyone_ would use his real name.

Their mission briefing done, Orochimaru sent them on their way. It was a four day journey to Leaf from Sound, and the Exams were in about a week and a half.

"Hey, Cocksucker." Kabuto turned, recognizing Tayuya's name for him. "You're the fuckin' Spymaster or some shit, right? What asshole we got spying for us in Leaf?"

"They are of Jounin rank, and among Lord Orochimaru's most trusted shinobi. That's all you get for now. I wouldn't be much of a Spymaster if I just blurted my secrets to the world, would I?" Kabuto adjusted his glasses haughtily.

"God, shut _up_. Shut the fuck up! If you didn't want to fuckin' tell us shit then just fuckin' say so! Fuckin' asshole." She stuck her hands in her pockets and huffed, speeding up to walk with Kimimaro up forward.

She readjusted her beanie and took a look at her outfit. First impressions and all. Tayuya was a simple girl, and her clothing reflected that. Black beanie, black band shirt, red hoodie, jeans and shoes. People had said to her 'Why are you wearing colors? You're a shinobi, you should wear black!' to which she would reply 'Fuck's the point? Any asshole worth hiding from will be able to sense my chakra before they can see my ass.' The only really out of the ordinary thing she wore was a bladed choker. Thirteen, inch-long curved blades surrounded her neck.

Kimi, on the other hand, wore only a loose-fitting robe over a pair of black shorts. Clothes got expensive when you replaced them every time you did anything, so he started wearing that ensemble pretty much all the time. Colors changed, but the outfit worked for him.

Naruto wore a black three-piece suit. At all times. When he swam, when he exercised, when he slept, if he slept. Tayuya had never actually seen him do it. The only time Tayuya thought he might take the suit off would be to bathe, but she didn't have proof of it. She was sure he had to take it off sometimes, because the color of his shirt and tie would change colors. The tie would switch between white and black depending on the shade of shirt he wore. Dark shirt, white tie. Light shirt, black tie.

Tayuya glanced back at their leader to verify. Yes, Kabuto just wore his uniform. Boring! She sighed, taking a mental tally of her company for this mission. One annoying asshole, one quiet cutie, and one insane genius.

This was going to be a long, boring walk.

[000]

"I spy with myyyyy littlllllle eyyyyyyyye... sommmmethingggggg... brown."

"Is it fucking dirt again?"

"Nope. Well, kinda, but no."

"Rocks?"

"In a way."

"Don't gimme that shit! Is it fucking rocks or not?!"

"Woah alright! It's not the rocks on the ground, does that help?"

"What, is it a rock in a fucking tree? If it's a goddamn rock in a fucking piece of shit tree I'm gonna stab you in the fucking hand."

"Tayuya, it's not a rock in a tree. One more guess."

"Fuck you Naruto!" Tayuya shielded her eyes with her hand and peered down the road as far as she could see. "...I think I got it. Is it a rock _wall_?"

"Yep! It's the big rock wall around the Hidden Leaf!" So ended the four hour long I Spy session. Before that it had been the Name Game, where you list a name that starts with the first letter of the previous person's last name. Yamanaka Inoichi to Inuzuka Kiba to Kaguya Kimimaro, etc. No repeats, obviously. That one had lasted nearly a full day.

Finally within reach of their destination, the Sound team sprinted to the gate. The guards were bored, but perked up a little when they saw Tayuya. They didn't want to look lazy in front of a new girl, so were busy pretending to be very alert as one of them looked over the team's paperwork. "Alright, you check out. Welcome to The Village Hidden in the Leaves, and good luck on the Chunnin exams!"

Naruto handed the one who'd spoken a turtle before he followed his team through the gate. "Keep Dr. Lorenzo safe."

[000]

One of Naruto's favorite things was wandering around. Especially wandering around a big city like the Hidden Leaf! So many little shops and so many different people! Like that pink-haired girl that just ran by chasing a small child. She looked like she might hurt the kid. "Wait. Hurting children? Without me? Unthinkable! Get back here, you'll do it wrong!" he shouted, following down the alley she'd gone into. What he arrived at was possibly more interesting than what he'd expected. Two Demon Containers, right here next to each other! One from Sand, one from Leaf, and a guy wearing makeup about to put the beat down on that little kid.

"Put the kid down, or else!" The Leaf Demon Container shouted. Red hair, blue eyes, tan skin, three lines on each cheek, big rack, lotta orange, kinda stupid. Exactly what his intel said about Namikaze Kiriko, daughter of Namikaze Minato and container of the Nine Tailed Fox. Hold on. That kid was Sarutobi Konohamaru, grandson of Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Third Hokage. Sand only sent one team. If this dude hurt that kid, he might get kicked out! If he got kicked out, Naruto wouldn't be able to kill someone from each Hidden Village! He had to stop the situation. But how?

Naruto made his presence known, walking to meet the group with his hands in his pockets. "Hey, hey! What's all this hostility? You don't wanna hurt the Third Hokage's grandson, get kicked out and ruin Creepy Tree Guy's chances at making Chunnin, do you?" Creepy Tree Guy was Gaara of the Desert, son of the Fourth Kazekage, container of the One Tailed Raccoon, and the other two were his older brother and sister, Kankurou and Temari, but he didn't need them knowing that he knew that yet. "Plus, Sand and Leaf are allies, right? If you have a problem with these guys, then just wait a few days, man! You can beat Pink-Hair's face in and it's all totally okay. What do you say, ah?" Kankurou grunted his acquiescence and dropped Konohamaru, who scrambled to get behind Kiriko.

"Thanks for helping with that, I think," the pink-haired girl said after the Sand team left, "but what are so many foreign shinobi doing here today?"

"...You serious?" The Leaf team stared at him, expecting him to elaborate. "You're saying you guys _don't know_ about the Chunnin exams being held in your own village in like, a week." They continued to stare at him. "The Chunnin Exams? Chunnin... Exams." Nothing. He was starting to get annoyed with these idiots. "No. I'm not explaining any further. Think about the words and come up with what they might mean." Naruto folded his arms and began to wait.

"Um, is it some kind of test to become Chunnin?" Kiriko asked.

"It is, in fact, exactly that! As to why you didn't know how you were supposed to be promoted, that is another mystery- one that I will not be solving. See you at the Exams, kiddies! I hope you like funerals."

[000]

"Oh! My God! Why the shit! Why the fuck is there a goddamn waiting room?! A motherfucking waiting room! What the fuck are we waiting for?! Are we all actually here to see some kind of fucking shinobi doctor that's gonna measure our goddamn experience points to see if we can be fucking Chunnin?! Is there some kind of fucking written test? Why the shit are we here?!" Tayuya ranted, pacing in front of her two much calmer teammates.

"Tayuya, please calm down." Kimimaro placed his hand on her shoulder. She whirled to face him, but she never could stay mad around him. Kimimaro had always been there for her, after Naruto had miraculously cured him. Plus, she might have had a small crush on the Kaguya.

"...Sorry, Kimi. It's just... It's fuckin' stupid, you know? We showed up early to get an advantage, and all it got us were seats in this goddamn bigass room!" She could feel herself getting upset again, and counted backwards from ten. "...Sorry again."

"You do not need to apologize, Tayuya. I know how angry you get, and I appreciate how hard you try to control it. At the moment, we should be observing the other teams. Perhaps that might help calm you? Please, could you tell me if you see anyone interesting around us?" Kimimaro's voice was soft, and the way he spoke made the back of Tayuya's head tingle.

She concentrated, glancing around the room, trying to take as much in as she could in as little time as possible. "There's the Sand Demon Container, the Leaf Demon Container, what might be the last Uchiha, several clan members from Leaf... and that's about it really. There's a few teams from Mist, Cloud, Rock, Waterfall, and Rain but they're nobodies. Doesn't mean they're not strong, we just have no info on them. Did I miss anything?"

"No, you did very well Tayuya. Thank you. The next time we meet with Kabuto we will obtain any relevant information regarding whomever remains."

"Time's up! Everyone, welcome to the Chunnin Exams! I'm your proctor for the first test. My name is Rin." She was a small woman, with brown hair and eyes. Her only peculiar feature being purple rectangles under her eyes, almost like an Inuzuka. Maybe they were related. "The first test is this: On the roof of this building is a mock castle. In one of the rooms of the castle, there's an adorable little statue of yours truly. Half of you will be guarding this statue, the other half will attempt to steal it. That means two teams will go at a time, and only one can pass on to the second test. If one of you dies, your team doesn't lose, but it will make the next test much harder." Rin grinned hungrily at the room of Gennin. "You were numbered when you entered the room. Even numbers attack, odd defend. You have one hour to either retrieve the objective or keep it safe. Teams one and two, you're up!"

Everyone looked down at the papers they'd received upon arrival. Teams one and two were a Leaf team and a Rain team, they weren't sure which. The Sound team was number fourteen. Tayuya sighed and sat between her teammates. "Goddamnit."

[000]

A few hours later, and it was finally their turn. Team number thirteen was a team from Leaf, it seemed. A bunch of clan members too. A Hyuuga, an Inuzuka and an Aburame. It was a pity; if they hadn't been going up against the Sound team, they probably would have kicked some serious ass. A better tracking and infiltration team would be hard to find. "Dibs on killing the Hyuuga!" Naruto's hand shot into the air, emphasizing his call of 'dibs'.

"What?! Fuck, I wanted her! Fine, I'll take the... Inuzuka, I guess. You good with the bug fucker, Kimi?" Kimimaro nodded. "Sweet. Hey Rin, get some body-bags ready!" A decent intimidation tactic on its own. The Sand team had already killed their opponents, so if the Leaf shinobi hadn't been expecting deaths before, they took the threat much more seriously now.

"If you hurt _one hair_ on Hinata's head, I'll- I'll-" Kiriko's attempts on threats were ignored as the Sound team left to start the first stage of the Exams. Hinata initially refused to go, but after being reassured by her more confident teammate, she and her team left as well.

[000]

"Hey KK, is this a Special Order, or...?" Naruto left the question hanging.

Kimimaro brought his eyes to his teammate. Why did everyone have a nickname for him? Kimimaro was not that hard to say. "I doubt we will need to make it a Special Order. If they prove enough of a threat, it is authorized, but I would avoid showing off until it counts." His teammates nodded in unison.

The timer started with a siren, and the trio vanished. The castle had three floors, and they could guess that their opposition would either have one on each floor, (in which case the Hyuuga would be on the middle level, the Inuzuka on the lower level, and the Aburame on the upper level) or one on the lower level and two on the middle level to keep someone with the Hyuuga, who obviously wasn't cut out for being a shinobi and had probably been forced into it by her clan.

The Inuzuka kicked the front door open himself, possibly hoping to surprise them, or hurt them with the door. "Bring it on, ya pa-" A cluster of needles flew into his open mouth, cutting him off and piercing the base of his skull from the inside. His dog was only knocked out; Tayuya didn't like hurting animals. The Inuzuka was dead, and while Tayuya was more than capable of eliminating two more Gennin, her friends had claims on them. She'd wait down here until they let her know that the others were dead. They still had fifty-nine minutes, after all. What could she do in the meantime?

Tayuya noticed an earbud still lodged firmly in the dead teenager's ear. "Ooh, a radio! Maybe I can make the little girlie cry..." She removed the Inuzuka's radio and put it on. "Hello? Hello, testing, testing, you motherfuckers still alive?"

There was the click of another radio being keyed before a voice came into her ear. "H-How did you get Kiba's radio?" a soft, nervous female voice asked.

Wonderful. "It was fuckin' easy! Like taking candy from a dead baby." Tayuya could imagine her reaction. The girl didn't respond, and neither did her other teammate. He was probably dying right now, actually.

[000]

Shino would have cursed upon hearing of his friend's death, if he'd had the capacity to. Unfortunately for him, he'd just been shown his own heart, and so wasn't ready to lament anyone's demise, except perhaps his own.

That left the Hyuuga; Naruto's target.

God rest her soul.

[000]

"Shino? Shino, they killed Kiba! Shino? ...Shino?" Hinata's voice trembled more than normal. Kiba was dead. She'd known him since they were kids, and while they hadn't been the best of friends, he was gone now. She feared the worst for Shino. They didn't deserve this, they were good people! She couldn't understand why anyone would want to do this to her friends. "Oh god. Oh god I'm alone." She started to cry, frantically looking around, Byakugan on, trying to find whoever was here. "Please, please no. Please don't kill me! Please, I don't want to die please no please stop I give up please don't kill me please!"

Her cries stopped. There he was, the white-haired boy that laid claim to her life. He raised his hand. "Hi!" She stared at him. It was all she could do. She knew why he was here. "Uh, hello? You okay?"

For a moment, her voice failed her. "H-Hel-Hello," she squeaked out, finally.

"There you go! See, was that so hard?" Naruto smiled at the girl. "I'm Naruto. What's your name?"

"I'm- I'm Hina-Hinata." She swallowed. Her throat felt tight. "My name is Hyuuga Hinata."

"It's very nice to meet you, Hinata! Oh, I know why you're still nervous. It's cause I said I was going to kill you, isn't it? Don't be, that was just pretend. Try to get everyone scared of us, you know? The Big Bad Sound Team! Grrr!" Naruto made claws with his hands to emphasize his growl. "I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll kill all your friends! Arooo!" He laughed at his own joke.

"My friends are okay? They're not dead?" The tears had slowly come to a stop.

Naruto smiled as reassuringly as he could. "Your friends will be fine. My teammate Tayuya works with genjutsu; she probably made them _think_ they died, but you'll see them soon enough. Now, I don't want to have to fight you any more than I think you want to fight me. Add that to the fact that your teammates, while still alive, have been soundly beaten, and we can pretty safely conclude that you've lost, right? All I need is that statue, and we can all go home!"

Hinata nodded. It was sad that they'd lost, but she was just happy that everyone was still alive! She retrieved the statuette from her jacket and handed it over. "I guess you guys win. Still, there's always next year, right? And it makes me happy to see that there are people as nice as you in other villages. Maybe one day... Maybe one day our villages can be allies, and I can see you again!"

"Yeah! Anyway Hinata, it was fun talking with you but I should meet up with my teammates so we can move on. Sorry about the Exams and all, but I'm sure you'll make it next year! Buh-bye!" Naruto laughed as he ran and leaped from the balcony to his waiting team outside.

Hinata ran upstairs to get Shino. She knew she'd need his help to keep Kiba calm after finding out they'd been eliminated.

[000]

Naruto handed the statuette of Rin to the real thing just as they heard the muffled scream from above. It was too much for Naruto, and he started busting up laughing. "AAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAHAHahahahaaaaa!" He paused, gasping for breath before continuing. "Hahahaaaahaahahahaaaa! Hoo, that shit is priceless! Oh man, I think I cried a little! Heeheehee!" He wiped a small tear from his eye.

"What's so funny, kid? Sounds like something bad happened up there." Rin raised an accusatory eyebrow.

"You'll- heehee- you'll see!" Naruto continued his giggling, his team returning to their seats. The other Gennin moved clear of them. Whatever had happened up there, it was pretty clear that it wasn't anything good. From the way the white-haired one was giggling, it probably wasn't anything resembling humane either.

[000]

When the other team didn't return, a few Chunnin went up to get them. They found Kiba first, Akamaru fiercely defending his master's corpse. Both would be returned to the Inuzuka family. The Chunnin weren't sure how the bonds between dog and master worked with that family, but they thought Akamaru might be young enough to be paired with someone else.

They found Shino and Hinata together. The Aburame was rather clearly dead. A hole was punched through his chest, and the mangled, possibly crushed remains of his heart lay only a foot or two from his body. Hinata was, surprisingly, untouched. No bruises, no cuts, no burns- nothing! Even so, they found her curled into the fetal position, back to a wall. She wouldn't answer any of their questions, wouldn't respond to any stimuli other than to try and tighten the ball she'd formed. "This is pretty fucked up." One Chunnin said to another. "I think we should call in a Yamanaka for this one guys, she's not doing so hot."

"I agree, but right now our job is to get these guys out of here. Kari, you handle the Hyuuga girl; take her to Psych. They can deal with her. Kenshi, Mako, you grab the Inuzuka and his dog. Honda, you take this one. I'll report back to Rin on the situation."

[000]

One of the five Chunnin that had gone up returned. He made a beeline for Rin from the doorway, angrily eyeing the Sound team as he hastily made his way across the room. The Chunnin whispered a report into the Jounin's ear. "Wow, that's pretty fucked up. Congratulations on passing the first stage to the team from Sound. I regret to inform any friends of Inuzuka Kiba and Aburame Shino that they are dead. If after the Exams you wish to pay your respects, their bodies are being returned to their families as I speak. Teams fifteen and sixteen, proceed to your starting areas!"

Out of what remained of the Rookie Nine, reactions weren't that varied. Most were simply shocked. Sasuke was the only one who'd experienced death like this. Kiriko was furious. Ino had already begun to cry. The daughter of the Hokage stomped over to the Sound team. "How could you?" She growled through her teeth. "Why did you do this?!"

"Me?" Naruto asked, pointing to himself. "Why, I didn't hurt anyone! I did just as you asked!" He grinned that grin of his that seemed too wide for his face. "I didn't hurt a hair on little Hinata's head. You didn't say anything about the other two, but then again, I wasn't the one who did them in, was I? I'm actually kind of curious myself! KK, Tayuya, how _did_ you kill those two?"

"No!" Kiriko shouted. "I don't want to know! I don't know what kind of sick place the Hidden Sound is, but this is wrong! Killing-"

"If you're about to say 'Killing is wrong', I'm gonna fuckin' puke. Holy shit, you're a goddamn shinobi, princess! Fuckin' act like it!" Tayuya tore her beanie off in frustration, but put it right back on. "Fuck off back to your bitch friends before I really do tell you how I killed that Kiba kid."

Her teammate, the Uchiha, came and brought her back to their group. They were a somber bunch, having gotten over the initial shock of their friends' deaths. Now they were left with the knowledge that they were never going to see Kiba or Shino again. They couldn't imagine what Hinata was going through right now. Ino hugged herself, trying to ward off a nonexistent chill. If it were Shika and Chouji that had been killed... She didn't know what she'd do. Cry, and scream, and rage probably. She silently promised to go see Hinata as soon as possible.

Without anything left to do, the Sound team headed to their hotel room. They had people to get info on.

[000]

"So, my wee students, what can my wonderful Ninja Info Cards do for you today?" Kabuto bridged his cards from one hand to the other, showing off as always.

"We need the D-L on some motherfuckers, Cocksucker. Some of the shits from the other villages might be less of pussies than we thought."

"I already have exactly what you need!" Kabuto chuckled and brought his cards out with a flourish. "There are a few shinobi here that might be able to interest you. From Waterfall, Hyouka Katara. Brown hair, brown skin." He showed them a picture of her. "She has a bloodline that lets her control water. Any water, even if its frozen, or in a plant. There are rumors that she can control blood, but no proof. From Mist, Matoi Ryuuko. Black hair with a red streak. Her clothing transforms, leaving her nearly naked but with a significant increase to her abilities. From Cloud, Jin. Male, black hair, sometimes wears a mask. Can generate and channel electricity, so no taijutsu. Uses a dagger and chain to increase his electricity's range, watch out for that. Jin is probably one of two people here that could be a threat to any of you. Whether you want to avoid them or kill them is up to you, but have a plan if you go after Jin or Gaara." Kabuto resealed his info cards and sat back in his chair. "Anyway, I got word to let you know to be at Training Ground 44 tomorrow at noon."

"Are you sure we are meant to meet there tomorrow? There were more than two-thirds of the teams remaining when we left to come here." Kimimaro crossed his arms. What had happened in the short time between them leaving the Exams building and reaching their hotel that had caused the tests to go so quickly? "If what you say is accurate, we may have scared more teams than we anticipated out of the competition. Either that or several teams were defeated within ten minutes of their test beginning. Regardless, the only remaining participants will be competent, at the very least. I suggest we begin to take them more seriously."

Tayuya snorted and flopped onto one of the beds. "Come on, Kimi! It doesn't fuckin' matter what these dicks throw at us! You heard the Cocksucker, this whole shindig is practically those two versus us, and we know what the fuck we're up against."

"Every battle should be fought as if your opponent is more powerful than you. We cannot afford to underestimate even someone who appears to be trash. Deception is a powerful ally to many."

Tayuya groaned and threw her beanie at him. "Shut the fuck up, Kimi. You sound like an old man, especially when you're right."

"Aww, he just cares about you!" Naruto grinned, poking his female teammate's ribs. "He wants to make sure you don't get hurt, isn't that right KK?"

"Indeed, I would be very upset if either of you were injured." Kimimaro sat on the bed by Tayuya's feet and removed her shoes for her. "But I would be more upset if you were hurt because I did not forewarn you of something like this."

She groaned and buried her face in a pillow. Kimi took care of her entirely too much. "Augh, fine, I'll take the little shits seriously, get off my fuckin' back. You happy, Kimi?"

"I am. Now, seeing as how it has become quite late, I propose we sleep. No wild parties tonight, or whatever it is you kids do nowadays." Kimimaro smirked, walking across their room to the light switch as Tayuya hopped off the bed.

"Fuck off, Kimi." Tayuya flipped him off as she shut the bathroom door to change into her owl pajamas. "You're like, a year older than us!" She shouted at him through the door. When she reentered the room, everyone had already taken their places. Kimimaro on the floor beside the bed, Kabuto all wrapped up like a burrito in his chair, and Naruto staring out the window with his hands clasped behind his back. "Night, assholes."

"Night." they chorused back.

Ten years ago, who would have thought things would turn out like this? Certainly not her. Six-year-old Tayuya was just another war orphan. Not from any of the Great Shinobi Wars, but the big five never really cared about anything that didn't affect them. Nobody gave a shit if a little village like the Hidden Sound was attacked. At least, not until Orochimaru came. Even so, the big five didn't care enough to do any real information gathering on them. Another minor village trying to join the big leagues, they thought.

Back then, Naruto had been a violent madman. No-one knew who or what would set him off, but if you did then nothing could save you. Kimimaro had been a broken tool. A mindless servant with a disease that would soon kill him. Tayuya still wasn't sure how or why Naruto had cured him, but it had been a turning point in both of their lives. The interest young Naruto had in Kimimaro was recognized and mirrored by Orochimaru himself. With their leader's help, Kimimaro became a distinguished shinobi of the Hidden Sound, and Naruto started on his path to stability.

Two years afterwords, Kimi took her in. In the Hidden Sound, ranks work differently than other places. If someone that was a Gennin to the outside world could put down a Jounin, they were respected as such. Strength was everything. So when someone as respected as Kaguya Kimimaro says he's taking a seemingly random girl from the Sound Shinobi School as his personal apprentice, who's gonna say no? He couldn't teach her the Kaguya techniques that made him so powerful though; those were his, and his alone. He taught her to be strong in her own way. Taught her to use her strengths and cover her weaknesses. Illusion, deception, subterfuge, assassination. Those arts were hers.

Then, the Snake Sannin had repeated his actions with Tayuya. He came to her with an offer. The same offer, he said, that he'd given to Kimi after his miraculous recovery. "You will be strong," he'd said, "very strong on your own. There are certain heights that no normal human can reach, however. It will be painful and you may not survive, but if you are willing I can show you the stars themselves. Will you risk the death of a strong woman for the chance at life as a goddess?"

"Sign me the fuck up!" had been her response.

It had been painful, as he'd said, and she was told that her heart had stopped at least twice during the procedure, but now she stood side by side with the most powerful shinobi she knew. Tayuya yawned, and smiled as sleep began to take her. This year's Chunnin Exams would show the world what the Hidden Sound was capable of.

[000]

"Hinata?" Ino softly called, opening the door to the girl's room in the Psych ward of the hospital. "You awake?" Ino saw that she was sitting up in her bed, so sat in the chair beside it. "Is there anything I can do for you, Hinata?"

"The only thing that would help is to see those monsters get what they deserve." Ino was more than a little shocked at the force behind Hinata's words. Only hours ago she'd been so soft, barely fit to stand up against a small dog. The girl in the bed was someone new. "I want them all to die. I want them to bleed, and I want to laugh in that one's face when he watches it happen. Do you know what he did, Ino? He came to me like a friend. All smiles and laughs. He was so nice, and he told me they were fine. And I believed him. The whole time, he was just making fun of me. They were dead. They'd stabbed needles through Kiba's spine and torn Shino's heart out, and he was talking with me like there was nothing wrong! Just another fucking day!" Hinata started pulling at her restraints. Ino hadn't noticed them until now, but she saw why Hinata might need them. "I want to watch them die! Get me out of here so I can FUCKING KILL THEM ALL! GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"

Ino walked home that night more unconsciously than not. She was shaken by what she'd seen. The sweet, quiet Hinata had died with her teammates on the roof of that building. Ino couldn't bear to see what Hinata had become anymore. All she wanted was to go home. Everything else could wait until tomorrow.

[000]

"Welcome to Training Ground 44, the Forest of Death. I'm in charge of this test, name's Tenzin. I'll explain the rules so you can all get to the fighting and stuff. In the center of the forest is a tower. When you arrived, you received a number as well as one of two scrolls, either Heaven or Earth, and before you move on to the next stage you have to have both scrolls, with whatever's left of your team in the tower. Because of that, the maximum number of teams that can move on is ten; exactly half of you. Bring one of each scroll to the central tower and you pass. You have three days. Those are the only rules. As soon as each team is at their assigned gate, the gates will open."

Kimimaro looked at the paper he'd been given. There was a circle on it, with numbers around the circle. In the center was the number fourteen. Fourteen again. "Our gate is in the South-Southeast." Thankfully, they were already at the South Gate. Still, it took almost an hour to walk to their designated gate. The pale young man gazed intently at their gate. "We should enter now, and ambush other teams when they come through their gate." His teammates gave toothy grins and nodded. "Then we are agreed. Timer starts now. Regardless of your status, meet at the tower in twenty-four hours. Break." The Gennin leaped over their gate and took off on their own. Kimimaro headed to gate six in the Southeast, Naruto to gate eleven in the South-Southwest and Tayuya to gate thirteen in the East-Northeast.

[000]

Naruto was the first to arrive at the central tower. His timer said it had been twenty-three hours and forty minutes. "Ah well, I guess I'm a little early." Not a minute after he'd arrived, Tayuya entered his sight. "Hi Tayuya!" He yelled, waving. "How'd you do? I took out a team from Rock and got an Earth scroll!" He proudly displayed his pilfered goods.

Tayuya shrugged, but smirked. "Ganked the Sand kid in black, and one each from Mist, Cloud and Waterfall. No scroll, but all we need now is a shithead from Rain to accomplish our first objective. Not too goddamn shabby, if I say so myself. Kimi show yet?"

Naruto threw his arms up in mock shock. "Whaaat? You killed four people? Man, I only got three. And no, KK's not here yet. You know him." Tayuya nodded. She knew when he'd get there.

Sure enough, at exactly twenty-four hours since they'd begun, Kaguya Kimimaro made his entrance to the central tower. "Greetings. I am pleased to see that neither of you are hurt. Status report."

"Three from Rock, one from Sand, Mist, Cloud and Waterfall. Necessary scroll obtained. You?"

"This is most fortuitous. I have eliminated the team from Rain, and taken their Earth scroll. It seems our primary mission is complete. All that is left is to prove our superiority." Kimimaro tossed his Heaven and Earth scrolls open, eliciting a cloud of smoke.

A man with a scar across his nose appeared from the smoke and congratulated them on completing the second stretch of the Chunnin Exams, then explained where they could find their quarters and where the food was.

[000]

"Before we start," The Fourth Hokage said, standing from his chair above the arena, "I would like to congratulate you all on completing the second stage of the Chunnin Exams. If I could, I would promote you all right now for your bravery and fortitude. Unfortunately, you are not out of the woods yet, so to speak. Think of this as stage two-point-five. It works exactly like the official third stage, but instead of getting promoted for winning, you move on to the real thing. You will do battle here, and prove that you are worthy of the chance to become Chunnin. The first match will be..." The Hokage pressed a button on the arm of his chair and two names appeared on a large television screen behind him. "Rock Lee of the Hidden Leaf, versus Jin of the Hidden Cloud! As soon as the arena is clear you may begin."

"Yes! Sensei, I will defeat this challenger with the power of youth!" Lee yelled, pumping his fists. Jin settled into a ready stance, and as soon as Lee rushed him with a punch, it was all over. Jin caught his fist, and Lee froze. The shinobi from cloud brought his other hand up and pressed it against the Leaf Gennin's green covered chest. Smoke started to rise from the top of Lee's head, and when Jin released him, he crumpled to the ground. The match obviously over, a tearful Gai picked his fallen student off the ground and carried him from the arena himself.

A few more matches happened, but the Sound shinobi didn't pay too much attention. The matches went pretty much how they imagined they'd play out. Ryuuko won by cutting the legs off of a blushing Waterfall Gennin, Gaara crushed a Mist shinobi to death, Katara encased the Akimichi's head in water until he passed out, and so on and so forth.

"Kaguya Kimimaro of the Hidden Sound versus Haruno Sakura of the Hidden Leaf!" So, it was him against the pink-haired girl from the team with the Namikaze and the Uchiha. Interesting. "Begin!" The girl rushed him, flipping a kunai to the ready. As she reached him, Kimimaro caught her hand, broke her wrist and threw her into the ceiling of the arena. He was already on his way back to his spot on the railing when she hit the ground. Medics rushed in and hurried the still breathing girl away. "Winner by knockout, Kaguya Kimimaro of the Hidden Sound!"

Two more battles and two more unimportant winners. Then, it was Tayuya's turn. "Tayuya of the Hidden Sound versus Nara Shikamaru of the Hidden Leaf! Begin!" Shikamaru readied himself for whatever the girl threw at him. When she called out the name of her jutsu, he knew he'd won.

"Land of Darkness!" The entire arena was suddenly covered in an impenetrable black shroud. When it lifted only seconds later, Tayuya stood triumphantly over the body of the Nara heir. "Yeah, take that, fuckface! Who's got a broken neck? You do! HaHA!"

"Winner by fatality, Tayuya of the Hidden Sound."

"No! This is impossible, the Nara family can control shadows! There's no way she beat him, she must have cheated!" The Yamanaka from his team snarled, trying to fight back tears.

"Uh, the only rule is that if you can't fight anymore your ass loses. Dead people can't fuckin' fight, so suck a dick bitch!"

"Last match! Naruto of the Hidden Sound versus Uchiha Sasuke of the Hidden Leaf! Begin!"

Sasuke readied himself. The team from the Hidden Sound were strong, among the strongest here. If he was going to win, he had to pull out all the stops. Activating his Sharingan, he bent low and flew forward. The Uchiha attacked with a low sweep, spinning into a high kick. Or at least, he tried. He wasn't expecting the white-haired shinobi to stomp down on his ankle, breaking both the joint and his attack chain. Now he was pinned and in pain. His opponent grinned happily before kicking Sasuke's unprotected knee out of place.

"You know, you're better than I expected you to be. If I was most other people, that little maneuver would have worked, and worked quite well." Naruto clasped his hands behind his back and began to circle his crippled enemy. "And if you were outmatched before, what about now that you've got two broken joints?" He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed contentedly. "So now you've got a choice. A: ignore your injuries and catch me off guard with some super Uchiha technique, or B: tear off all of your skin and die."

Before he knew what he was doing, Sasuke's fingernails were already digging themselves into his flesh. He screamed, and he begged, but nothing he did stopped it. A good number of the onlookers vomited almost immediately, and most of the rest held on for a bit before following suit.

"Hm. Should have went with A."

"W-Winner by fatality, Nar-ruto of the Hidden Sound." The Hokage could barely believe his eyes. He'd fought in the Third Great Shinobi War, and as the Hidden Rock could attest to, he killed hundreds if not thousands of enemy combatants. That was different. That was war, and he tried to end their lives as quickly as he could. The Sound shinobi, especially that one, seemed to be out for blood and pain. He'd heard about what happened in the first test as well, and true to form they seemed to hit hardest where it would hurt most. It was sickening both in its efficiency and in how much they seemed to enjoy it.

On a side note, disregarding how insane this one obviously was, how the fuck did he get Sasuke to skin himself alive? That's fucking crazy-bananas.

"The Third Stage of the Chunnin Exams will take place in two weeks. Please come forward and take a number. This will decide who will fight whom in what order."

1 – Hyuuga Neji

2 – Naruto

3 – Yamanaka Ino

4 – Namikaze Kiriko

5 – Hyouka Katara

6 – Tayuya

7 – Jin

8 – Gaara

9 – Matoi Ryuuko

10 – Kaguya Kimimaro

[000]

Two weeks had passed quickly, and now the ten would-be Chunnin stood proudly in the official stadium. It was a proper stadium too, whereas the prelims had been in more of an underground fight-club kind of place.

"Thank you all for joining us here in the Village Hidden in the Leaves! This is a time where all, high and low, can join in the spectacle. Our competitors today feature, from the Hidden Leaf, Hyuuga Neji, Yamanaka Ino and my own daughter, Namikaze Kiriko!" The three Gennin from the Leaf stepped forward and greeted the crowd.

The leader of the Waterfall Village stood from his place in the 'Kage Box' and announced his own candidate. "From the Hidden Waterfall, Hyouka Katara!" This continued in turn, with the leaders announcing the shinobi from their own village.

"From the Village Hidden in the Clouds, Jin!"

"From Mist, Seven Swordsmen potential Matoi Ryuuko!"

"From the Hidden Sand, Gaara!"

"The very first entrants to the Chunnin Exams from the Village Hidden in Sound," Orochimaru stood and threw his hand out to the side, " Kaguya Kimimaro, Tayuya, and Naruto!"

"With the introductions complete, let's move on to the first match!" Everyone but the two about to fight moved quickly to the waiting area. They would be able to observe and assess their future opponents, but their opposition would be able to do the same. "Hyuuga Neji of the Hidden Leaf versus Naruto of the Hidden Sound! Begin!"

"Hmph." Neji 'hmph'ed as he settled into the stance for his clan's legendary taijutsu form. "The outcome of this match has already been decided by fate. Byakugan!"

"Well that just means you can't get mad at me for what I'm about to do." Naruto laughed, summoning his weapon into existence. With a puff of smoke, there was a ridiculously oversized warhammer resting against his shoulder. Based on looks alone, the thing must have weighed at least a hundred pounds, but Naruto started twirling and flipping it around his body like it was a marching baton. "Naruto SMASH!" His smile curled into a wicked, ear to ear grin as he shot like an arrow at the Hyuuga, massive hammer held behind him.

Neji rolled to the side to avoid the attack, but Naruto's swing continued in a circle, his grip sliding to the very end of the handle, until it made contact with Neji's torso. His _entire_ torso. Skin, muscle and bone broke and tore as he tumbled along the ground, only stopping at the arena wall. Blood spewed from Neji's mouth, and eyes wide in shock found the mad Sound shinobi was already upon him. Naruto's mallet struck home, crushing Neji's abdomen against the stone barricade. "Wow, that was a pretty gruesome death you were fated with, dude. Sucks."

"Winner by fatality, _again_ " Minato added under his breath, "Naruto of the Hidden Sound!" Medics peeled what they could of Neji out of his indent in the wall while Naruto jogged up to the waiting area. It was not a good year to be in the Chunnin Exams, and Minato hoped that somehow the Yamanaka girl would beat his daughter. That or immediate surrender seemed to be the only ways of not being killed. "Yamanaka Ino versus Namikaze Kiriko, begin!"

"Terribly sorry about your Hyuuga boy, Hokage." Orochimaru said, his tone making it perfectly clear how much he really didn't care. "Perhaps my cute little Gennin are a bit too strong for the competition! Kukukuku."

"It is a risk we all take, Orochimaru." It had been quite a shock to find out who was leading the Hidden Sound, but after observing his shinobi, Minato could see his influence. Unfortunately, he was now officially a member of a foreign body. His crimes in the Hidden Leaf were essentially rendered null by his diplomatic immunity. Now he was back, and his shinobi were killing Leaf Gennin left and right! And there was nothing Minato could do about it!

Back in the arena itself, Kiriko and Ino's fight was going full force. It was much more intense than the previous battle, as the two girls were much more evenly matched. Blow was traded for blow, bruises and cuts dotted each girl's body. "What's wrong, Ino? Normally you'd be talking with me! Decided you're finally gonna take this stuff seriously?" Kiriko smirked.

"I'm not letting any more of my friends get killed by those psychos." Ino's face was hard. She clenched her teeth and ran with new strength at her friend. "Hinata! Kiba! Shino! Sasuke! Sakura! Shika!" With every name she slammed her fists harder and harder against Kiriko's blocks. "I'm not letting anyone else get hurt!"

Kirko's smirk had gone. "How do you think I feel?" She snarled, and red ringed her sky-blue eyes. "They killed both of my teammates too!" Ino gasped. Sakura was dead? She'd been so upset by her visit with Hinata that she'd spent the whole two weeks after the second stage training. She'd never gone to see her best friend. "They're both gone, and I'm not just gonna let them get away with that!" Two shadow clones appeared at Ino's sides and grabbed her arms. "I'm not backing down!" Kiriko yelled, burying her fist as deep as she could into Ino's stomach. The blonde girl was lifted into the air by the force of the blow, and landed face down in the dirt, unconscious.

Minato cursed, but stood and performed his duty. "Winner by knockout, Namikaze Kiriko!"

The crowd cheered as she walked back to the waiting room, but she wasn't celebrating. She was fighting Naruto next. She'd said the wasn't backing down, but... could she really go through with it? She knew she couldn't win. That kid might be a challenge for some of the Jounin, same for his friends. He would kill her if she fought him, and she wouldn't even hit him. "I know I can't fight Naruto, but I can't just give up now..."

"Speak of the devil..." Kiriko spun, almost falling. If it weren't for her hold on the railing, she would have. "...And the devil shall appear. How's it goin'?

"W-Why are you here?" She cursed herself for stuttering. Was she really that scared of him? The answer was yes. She was more scared of him than anything else.

"What, the Chunnin Exams? Well I was eligible, and I made it through the first two tests, so here I am! Sorry about all your buddies by the way."

"No you're not."

Naruto laughed. "Yeah, you're right. Well, since we've got some time and all, you got any questions you wanna ask while we watch the fights?"

"Why did you do it?" It was the only question she had for him.

"Kill all of your friends? I could just say 'because I could', but that wouldn't be totally right. See, most places have lost sight of who we are. We're murderers, all of us. Leaf, Cloud, Sound, doesn't matter where you're from. What village you call home only decides who your competition is. This is just a small-scale version of what the villages are. We're all fighting to prove who's the strongest, fastest, most efficient killers. And in a situation like this, where all of you are seriously under-trained and not at all ready to kill anyone, what kind of son would I be if I didn't do my best to eliminate the next generation of the competition?" He paused to cheer on his teammate in her fight against the water-user from Waterfall.

"We're at peace, we're not competing for anything! There's no war to fight, no battles to win!" Kiriko was frustrated. It was like he was trying to justify murdering Sasuke and Sakura!

"You know how our economy works? Well, there's only so many jobs to go around, and thus, only so much money. The more jobs you get, the more money you have, and the less for other people.. The Leaf is a big, famous, important village so you guys get jobs out the wazoo. That's good for you, and bad for me, see? You probably don't see it, living in one of the Big Five, but in minor villages, like Sound, we're not doing so well. We don't have good houses, or medical care, or even enough food for everyone. So while I did thoroughly enjoy killing Sasuke and those Rock shinobi, and breaking little Hinata was loads of laughs, in the end it's really more of a Robin Hood thing. Take from the rich, that's you, and give to the poor, which happens to be the people where I live. The less of a threat you and all of the other villages are in the future, and the more powerful I and my teammates appear to be will only attract more and more jobs as time goes on. Dad's a big-picture kind of guy." Naruto cheered as Katara's arm came off. "Woo! Put that bitch down, Tayuya! Anyway, does that answer your question, Kiriko?"

"But you still liked it. You like killing people."

"Aw, hell yeah! Wait, you were still listening to the other parts, right? Feel free to hate my guts and all, but ignorance must be corrected."

Kiriko's fists started to shake, and she hit the railing. "...I understand. I wish I didn't, but I do. You're still a monster, and you still murdered my friends, and I'll never forgive you for that. No matter what your reason is."

Naruto laughed and put his hand on her head. "I never said I wasn't. Anyway, I'm looking forward to our fight. Dad hoped we'd go at it. Said it'd be eye-opening for a few people. Later, have fun never forgiving me and stuff!"

In the stadium arena, Tayuya was dealing with the fact that the rumors that Katara could control blood were, in fact, partially true. So far it was only her own, but turning having gotten your arm cut off into kind of an advantage wasn't something most people could do. Still, the stronger that Waterfall bitch was, the more Tayuya got to show off! She couldn't use her Special because of all the people around, but she didn't need it to beat Katara. She side-stepped a blood bullet and flipped over the whip-attack follow-up, unclasping her choker and removing it. She lobbed it high in the air and backflipped out of the Waterfall shinobi's whip range. A burst of smoke later, and her flute came to her mouth. Not the old one she'd had when she used those Doki. Those weren't really her style anymore. This was red, and much higher quality. As she began the blow, her bladed ring stopped mid-descent and started to spin.

Tayuya played a few notes, and her choker darted around like a hummingbird. She had named it exactly that, after she saw the similarities. Hummingbird leveled itself at Katara's neckline and shot forward. The girl whipped her blood arm at it, but Hummingbird darted right and started chopping through Katara's blood, quickly moving back and forth towards her body. As the blood lost its connection to her, it splashed to the ground, useless. "I surrender!" she screamed, moving her remaining arm to protect as much of her neck and head as she could. The music stopped, and the deadly circle dropped to the ground.

"Winner by forfeit, Tayuya of the Hidden Sound!"

She retrieved her weapon and dusted it against her pant leg. "Good call, bitch. Two more seconds and my little birdie was gonna make his nest in your motherfuckin' domepiece." Tayuya smirked at the now one-armed Waterfall Gennin as she put her choker back on.

"Jin of the Hidden Cloud versus Gaara of the Hidden Sand! Begin!"

Jin started off by using a modified shuriken launcher to shoot his wired blade at Gaara. The dagger never reached him, knocked away by Gaara's sand shield despite its incredible speed. The readhead didn't even blink, to make matters worse. "Huh. Well shit, I'm not making it through that. I give up!"

"Winner by forfeit, Gaara of the Hidden Sand!" Jin darted away, not liking the look in Gaara's eye at all. That kid wasn't here because he wanted to be a Chunnin, he was just here to kill people.

"Last match of Round One! Matoi Ryuuko of the Hidden Mist versus Kaguya Kimimaro of the Hidden Sound! Begin!"

Ryuuko raised her sword at Kimimaro. "Didn't think any of you survived your rebellion! I'm gonna have to kill you though. Loose ends, you know how it is. Shame too, you're cute." She pulled something out of her red glove and her outfit was suddenly much more interesting. She flew with astounding speed at him, her scissor blade poised to take his head. It clanged against a silver protrusion from Kimimaro's shoulder. "What?" Ryuuko sped away, reassessing the situation. "My sword can cut through anything! What the fuck is that?!"

More protrusions appeared from his body as he removed his robe, folded it, and placed it neatly on the ground. "I am Kaguya Kimimaro, only holder of the Dead Bone Pulse bloodline limit in the last century, and most powerful Kaguya to ever live. I am unbreakable." By then, Kimimaro was covered head to toe in his shining bone armor. "Come at me all you like; your blade is useless."

She growled and flew at him, attacking him from every direction she could, trying to find a gap in his armor, but her constant attacks were only dulling her blade and in her ten minute all-out assault he hadn't even moved. She put the rest of her strength into a final thrust. If this didn't pierce his armor, she had nothing left.

Her blade glanced off of his chestplate and he caught her arm between his own and his chest. "From here, I could sever your sword arm and pierce every part of your body. I should kill you where you stand." She heard a muffled sigh. "I have killed several people so far. I do not enjoy it as my teammates do. If you do not surrender, however..."

"Yeah, yeah I got it. I give up. Guess I got some training to do, eh Mr. Knight?" Seriously. Kimimaro was a fairly simple name.

"Winner by forfeit, Kaguya Kimimaro!"

"Hokage, if you would do me the honor, may I announce the fight between our children?"

"Why would I give up announcing my own daughter's fight?" This was weird. Orochimaru never seemed like the sentimental type, but perhaps having a child of his own had changed the man. Still, that was asking a bit much.

"Well since you see it that way, why don't we both do it? You can announce your daughter and I can announce my son. That sounds fair, doesn't it?"

"I really didn't expect this of you, Orochimaru. You really do care about him. Fine, you can say his name."

"Of course I love my son, Minato." It was true, Orochimaru loved Naruto as his own son, and it had changed him in ways. Who wouldn't be changed by raising a child? That wasn't the real reason he wanted to announce his son, however.

Minato and Orochimaru stood side-by-side to kick off the start of Round Two. "Ladies and gentlemen, the first fight of the second round is about to start!" The crowd cheered, ready for more fights after the short break following the end of the first round. "From the Village Hidden in the Leaves, Namikaze Kiriko!" The crowd roared, and Orochimaru waited until they had calmed a bit before his part.

"From the Village Hidden in Sound..." He moved to look at Minato, making sure the Hokage met his eyes. "...NAMIKAZE NARUTO!"

Silence.

It took a moment for Minato to fully realize what had been said. "Namikaze... Naruto?" Father and daughter shared faces of shock quickly becoming a mixture of confusion and horror.

"Kukukuku, indeed! The long-lost Namikaze, brought back to the Hidden Leaf!" He had been SO right to use this plan! A+ for Hilarity, Irony and that look on Minato's face! This had to be his best plan to date!

[000] _In the arena_

"You're my... brother?"

"Heehee, yeah! Your twin, actually! Now, who wants to see what brother dearest can **really do?"** Naruto's voice split into many, like all the demons of hell were speaking through his mouth. A vertical line split his forehead and opened into a third, terrible eye.

The world around Kiriko slowed and started to warp. The sky was filled with colors she had no name for. She fell onto her back, and looked at the ground beside her in shock. It felt like water, but she still saw dirt. Everything was wrong. She moved to cover her face, trying to block out the colors that she saw even with eyes tight shut, but couldn't move her arm. Her hand had taken root, her fingers snaking their way into the dirt. Out of the back of what had been her hand a flower of skin, bone and blood was growing. In the center, she saw her own lifeless face. Kiriko grimaced in pain and saw her belly swell and burst. Flies, thousands of flies, tens of thousands of flies flew out of her bleeding gash. Kiriko grit her teeth and endured. She refused to let this monster who claimed to be her brother best her. "I don't know what you're doing, but I don't care. If you're gonna kill me then get on with it!" she roared, using her rooted hand to support herself as she pushed up to a sitting position, holding in her guts with the other hand.

" **I'm not going to kill my sweet, lovable sister! That would be terrible manners."** Naruto laughed as his own arm warped. Kiriko could see his bones snapping inside it as it transformed. Soon, his limb was a long, rotting tentacle. Grotesque tortured faces dotted the limb, their mouths yawning in a perpetual unearthly moan. Naruto walked lightly, almost skipping towards her until he crouched to be at eye level. He placed his remaining human hand on her head and began what sounded to her like a chant. **"Cru'tkungthflau myemku'duch aokukroq'du mauq'orunmuqn drqv'lqoukuqq nur'doqduur."**

As his chant finished, Kiriko's eyes went blank and she fell to the ground, unconscious. The world snapped back to normal, like some watchful god had blinked and set everything right again.

Minato was still too shocked to say anything. That- That horrible monster was what was left of his son. What's more, the Hokage knew genjutsu. He'd seen even the Uchiha's perfect illusions, and he _knew_ a genjutsu when he saw one. That had to have been one, but he knew it wasn't. Whatever Naruto had done to his daughter... it was real. Those astral, unknown colors, the world shaping itself to fit Naruto's madness, it had all been real. For the first time in a long while, Namikaze Minato was afraid.

Well, since the Hokage clearly wasn't about to say anything, Orochimaru would. "Winner by knockout, Namikaze Naruto of the Hidden Sound!" Eye-opening indeed.

The crowd cheered. They weren't sure what they'd just seen, and it was really weird and scary, but most of the things ninja did were weird and scary to regular people.

"Second match, Tayuya of the Hidden Sound versus Gaara of the Hidden Sand! Begin!" Orochimaru announced the next fight before turning his attention back to the Hokage.

"You took my... You were the one who took him! And now you bring him back to kill my men and tear my heart to pieces?! Why?!"

Orochimaru shrugged. "Thought it'd be funny. Plus, my Naruto is WAY better than whatever you would have done with him. Took a bit of time, but now he's one of my most powerful assets."

In the arena, Gaara's sand rushed towards Tayuya. He'd already surrounded himself with a cocoon of the stuff. Apparently he decided to use caution with her. Maybe she'd finally be able to use the gift Orochimaru had given her. With this guy's fighting style, she was sure he'd give her the opportunity. Tayuya grinned as the sand engulfed her completely. "Desert Buria-" Gaara was cut off by the blood he tried to cough up. It didn't make it to his mouth, instead bubbling out of the new gash in his throat. "Gotcha, fucker." The sand fell to the ground, as dead as the one who controlled it. Tayuya grinned, brushing the sand out of her hair.

"Winner by fatality, Tayuya of the Hidden Sound!" With that, the only remaining shinobi in the Chunnin Exams were the three from Sound.

The Kazekage could only stare. This girl had done what no shinobi from Sand could. He'd sent entire teams of Jounin to kill Gaara and all that he'd accomplished was thinning his own forces. He didn't know how she'd done it, and he felt that he should be sad at his son's death, but maybe his remaining child would be safe now. He'd lived in fear that one day Gaara would snap completely and murder his brother and sister, and while Kankurou had died in the forest of death, Temari survived. She and the Sand Village were finally safe.

"The only remaining entrants are the three shinobi from the Hidden Sound. If you would all come to the arena, we can begin the last match."

"Hold the fuck up!" Tayuya shouted. "You want _me_ to go up against _them_? I'm an assassin, not a brawler! Fuck that shit yo, I'm out. You two have fun being an unstoppable fucking force and an immovable goddamn object."

"The last match of this year's Chunnin Exams: Namikaze Naruto versus Kaguya Kimimaro! Begin!" Minato still had trouble calling that monster a Namikaze, but somehow he could see that tiny baby somewhere in the madman. Maybe his son could still be saved.

Kimimaro got his armor up just as Naruto's hammer hit him. Unfortunately, both of them knew each other's weaknesses. Naruto knew that his armor was one big, unmoving piece for maximum protection. He also knew that he was never going to get through that shit. Once it was up, the only thing to do was somehow get KK under water or something, and that was quite a feat considering his friend weighed around a ton right now. Still, Naruto was a strong motherfucker, and that blow was enough to knock KK down at least. "Oh boy." Naruto dropped his mallet and leaned on the handle. "Hey KK, we're never gonna get anywhere like this. Tayuya was right about that. I can't beat you without killing you and vice-versa. How 'bout we settle this with a contest instead? Whattya say?"

"That depends entirely on the contest, Naruto," Kimimaro said from his place in the dirt. He wasn't coming out until he was sure this wasn't a trick.

"Staring contest?"

"Your third eye does not need to blink."

"I was hoping you forgot about that. Uh, arm wrestling? No, you'd just fuse your skeleton. Hm..." Naruto scratched his jawline in contemplation. "How about the traditional way?"

"I accept your terms." Kimimaro's armor separated at the joints and he stood. The upper half of his armor burst off of him, leaving his pale, muscled torso exposed to the world. The two last competitors stood opposite each other, bodies tensed, each waiting for the other to begin.

After four minutes of suspense, Naruto couldn't wait any longer. "Rock!"

"Paper."

"Scissors!" An explosion occurred, confusing most of the audience. When the dust cleared, the victor was apparent.

Naruto held rock, Kimimaro held paper. "Ah fuck! Shit, goddamnit I fuckin lost!"

"Indeed." It was a very smug 'indeed', and rightly so.

"The winner of this year's Chunnin Exams, Kaguya Kimimaro of the Hidden Sound! As is tradition, while any who survive the third stage are eligible for Chunnin, the victor is awarded automatic advancement. Congratulations, Chunnin Kaguya Kimimaro!"

[000]

They'd stuck around for a few days while whatever committee made the decisions decided who was going to be advanced. Words were exchanged, figures were examined and coffee was drunk. The new Chunnin were revealed to be the Sound team, of course, as well as Katara and Kiriko. They'd even given reasons for each one, and as was traditional, the Chunnin were given a title to be used as an alias in the Bingo Book that would soon be updated.

"For destroying everything that stood in his path, showing astonishing strength of body and mind, the rank of Chunnin is hereby awarded to Namikaze Naruto, the Madness of the Hidden Sound."

"For adapting to any situation, as well as knowing one's own limitations, showing great skill and a sharp intellect, the rank of Chunnin is hereby awarded to Tayuya, the Cheshire Cat of the Hidden Sound."

"For defeating every enemy, showing unmatched power in his own way, the rank of Chunnin is awarded to Kaguya Kimimaro, the Bone Knight of the Hidden Sound."

"For continuing through and turning to her advantage a grave injury, showing relentless drive and impressive ingenuity, the rank of Chunnin is awarded to Hyouka Katara, the Naiad of the Hidden Waterfall."

"For staring defiantly into death and pain, showing unparalleled resolve and the highest caliber of the Will of Fire, the rank of Chunnin is awarded to Namikaze Kiriko, the Iron Will of the Hidden Leaf."

The ceremony was conducted, those who chose it received their flak jackets and everyone was free to go on their merry way. The way was very merry for the Sound team, but the Hidden Leaf was going to be holding funerals for some time. The Rookie Nine had been reduced to just four; Kiriko, Ino, Chouji and Hinata. Lee and Neji had been killed as well, so Tenten got lumped in with them and they turned from the Rookie Nine into the Five Survivors. The ones who lived through the most lethal Chunnin Exams to have ever taken place.

One thought rang out among the Hidden Leaf Council of Elders, and it was that the monsters that slaughtered so many of the next generation were still out there. Worse yet, they were only three out of an entire village. The Hidden Sound had been growing, gathering strength in the peace while all the rest let it dull their blades.

"No more." Minato declared, rising from his seat. "This was a warning, and a well-deserved one for all of us. Had we been diligent, had we been prepared like we should have been, perhaps so many of our children would not have died. As Hokage, it is my responsibility, and I will be personally reviewing, evaluating, and raising our teaching standards to prevent such a tragedy from happening again. The Hidden Sound has shown that they are prepared for a war, and we will answer in kind."

[XXX]

Hey everyone, I'm back! Kind of.

Anyway, I wrote a thing. Not sure if it's gonna go anywhere, but I think that depends on all of you. If you like it and want more, I'll see what I can do. If you like it the way it is, that's good too. If you don't, let me know what's bad about it!


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